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Writer's pictureAmy Stafford, M.S.

New Year's Resolutions?



A New Year is right around the corner. This is typically a time for new beginnings, and often a time when each of us evaluate where we are in life and seek some form of growth or improvement.


Enter New Years Resolutions. Some of us have made them, few of us have been able to achieve or maintain them, and most don’t bother to make them at all.


Do we need New Year’s Resolutions?


Personally, I would say no. The desire to create life changes don't need to be tied to a specific time of year. They should arise naturally – and when they do - and when we listen and respond to that inner voice desiring change, we are staying true to ourselves and not following a fad or a crowd.


That said, I do believe we should all aspire to improve our lives, and what better time than now?


So, how do we do this, and how do we create that life we desire?


First, let’s address the reason why resolutions often fail to manifest.


Resistance.


Yes, we can and do resist our own attempts to improve our life, and it is rooted in the uneasiness or fear often found around change and the unknown.


An example: You know you want to lose weight, but deep down, maybe even at a more subconscious level, you are afraid of some element of life this change may lead to. For some, the change in attention they see themselves receiving with the weight loss is at the root of this fear. For others, they may not know how to let go of their current way of dealing with emotional overload when they are faced with changing the foods they eat.


Our mind and our ego take comfort in the safety of repetition, of known quantities, of known patterns – and so as soon as we begin to try to create change, this aspect of ourselves begins to resist that change.


It can show up in a feeling of being uncomfortable or even a touch of anxiety as we try to meditate for example. Or, it can show up as that voice that keeps procrastinating and putting it off to tomorrow – “I’m too tired today”, “I’m too busy today”, or whatever excuse we have to put it off that starts appearing in our thoughts.


Additionally, resolutions and goals – while very affective at times – also often come from a negative place. They are there to resolve or fix something that we see as a problem, a lack, or as something wrong with ourselves. Never a good energy to bring into change if we truly hope to manifest it and maintain it. That said, goals are the action plans for our intentions - and therefore are still necessary. We simply shift, and set them from a more positive place.


In our January publication of Summit Monthly – where we explore a topic each month throughout the year – we dive into setting Intentions.


Intention setting is a powerful move that helps us to manifest the life we want, and this is what New Year’s Resolutions are born from, are they not? That desire to take advantage of moving into a new year and use it as a way to reboot, start over, or create change in some area of our life.


Using intentions instead of resolutions brings clarity, positivity, and the power of attention and visualization. It helps us to understand how we want to show up in life, the quality we hope to embody as we make choices and why we are taking steps toward our desire.


Taking small steps towards our goal every day, while keeping our attention on the energy of a heart-felt intention, is a recipe for positive change.


What does this look like in real life (and not just here on the page as a concept)?


Humans have always understand better with stories, and so I will tell a quick story to help share what I mean.


On this particular day, I am sitting on my sofa with a coffee in hand when I begin to recognize that I shouldn’t have to feel so sluggish – it’s the afternoon and here I am, drinking coffee hoping to reenergize myself so I can get through the rest of my busy day. I used to never drink coffee after 10am! I recognize that sadly, this is becoming a regular occurrence. I further evaluate myself and notice I feel bloated and uncomfortable. I find myself shifting the waistband of pants because my clothes are just a tad too tight.


Later that night, this idea that I don’t want to feel like this anymore returns to my thoughts. I can’t shake this desire. I truly want to feel healthy and have more energy.


(This is the first step towards desiring change – recognizing that we no longer want to be where we are, and that we want to level up.)


I know I need to eat healthier… and sleep more, find time to exercise, learn how to meditate without my thoughts running the show, and maybe even try to understand what mindfulness is all about – but there are only 24 hours in the day! All I want is to feel healthy!


I grab my phone and google “how to feel healthy.” I browse through a few articles and put my phone down in frustration. The top of the list? Seek mental health care…


Deep down I know why I’m not feeling at the top of my game – I haven’t exactly been eating all that healthy. Between the hours I’m putting in for work, raising kids, and staying on top of my to do list – I haven’t had the time or motivation.


After further searching I learn that I am feeling this way because my body doesn’t like the type of foods I’ve been eating – so if I really want to feel better, I should probably change what I eat.


I dream about how it will feel when I’m giving my body what it needs for nourishment and healing. It feels vibrant, clean, and I have so much energy!


I decide then and there that I am going to give my body what it needs to thrive. This is my intention I have set.


I write it down.


Each day I remember my dream of what it feels like to be there already.


When faced with a choice between two competing desires – eating that slice of cake at a birthday party or not. Or, on a night when I’m tired and faced with the lure of pulling out a bunch of processed foods or driving through fast food for a meal – I can return to that intention.


Embodying my intention means that I can keep focused on what my body needs to thrive. It’s no longer about what I can’t eat – a thought and experience that can give any of us a feeling of missing out on something good - it's focused on a positive.


Now? I simply recall that feeling of what it will be like to feel healthy, and even though I’m tired and busy, every time I’m faced with that choice, it becomes easier to choose that dream.


Yes – there are days when the struggle is real. There are times when the temptation to grab that bag of chips is REAL. Somedays the pull is so strong that I go ahead and decide to have some of those chips – but instead of grabbing the whole bag – I grab a bowl to put a serving of chips in so I can avoid mindlessly eating too much while in this emotional state.


The next day, after a good night’s sleep, I evaluate this experience. I now know it wasn’t a failure and that it shouldn’t be looked at in that way. I see it as the valuable experience it is and grow to understand that it is an important (and normal) part of my journey.


Do you see? My journey is for life. Not for a month, or three. Not to lose 15 pounds once.


This growing understanding changes my perspective.


What I’ve always seen as setbacks or failures whenever I’ve tried to achieve a resolution or goal, is simply one experience of many. Experiences that carry powerful data I can use to help me move further along on my journey.


This data I can use? It’s the emotions and feelings behind the experience that will help me to identify and understand where my struggle was coming from. Knowing this helps me to meet the next struggle with awareness, and more importantly, it helps me identify what I can do to avoid getting to that place to begin with.


I google what I can do to deal with the emotional side, which tells me to seek mental health care… I laugh a bit since this was where my search began. For some this may be THE tool that works. So, don’t discount it. Some other tools we can explore include meditation, mindfulness, sleeping, and any others designated for staying centered, having resilience in the face of stress, and inner work.


And… another aspect of my journey begins.


As we work through each experience on our journey towards our desired destination, we are growing, leveling up in life, and creating a change that can last a lifetime.


Remember that your experiences along your journey are all there for a reason – which is so we can learn from them. Without them, it wouldn’t be called a journey – and journeys don’t always happen in a straight line or in a consistent climb upwards. There are peaks and valleys, obstacles to maneuver around or cross over.


Know too, that if we step away from our journey for a bit due to life happening or our focus being diverted? No problem. Simply realign your compass to True North (sorry, had to. lol) and start again.


Except – know that this time you aren’t starting at the beginning – you’ve already been traveling this path for a while.


Setting an intention versus a resolution was all it took to help you shift your perspective which not only helped you to stay on track, but offered opportunities for true holistic growth and wellness.


None of this is to say that the beginning of the new year is not a good time, but maybe don't do it as a resolution, rather, do it with intention.


You’ve got this!





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